You wake up tired, angry, and slightly afraid of yourself until coffee enters the chat. Now you can warn the world before you get your first sip — with this aggressively chill dad hat.

Featuring the word “COFFEE” in a font so metal it screams in umlauts, this hat tells everyone: don’t talk to me unless you’re a barista or a demon offering espresso.

• Death metal font: Illegible? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.

• Velcro back: For easy adjustment when your caffeine rage expands your head.

• Dad hat style: Because responsibility is terrifying.

Whether you're headbanging in line at the café or just trying to survive another Monday, this hat keeps your brain roasted, your style bold, and your energy somewhat manageable.

Brew it. Wear it. Fear it.